Self Portrait

A recent conversation with an acquaintance got me thinking about the word “audacity”. Personally, I like the word as it pertains to challenging the oppressive status quos, in being your own person and not caring about what others think. Audacity was not actually used in said conversation, it was implied, but in a way that seemed backhanded. The conversation went like this:

Person: You’re really confident.
Me: Thank you?
Person: You own up to everything. Good for you for not caring about what others think.

Big hair = full of secrets!

Was that a compliment? I don’t know. Was this person implying that my self-confidence, an anomaly that shouldn’t happen to someone like me or looks like me? I rarely cared about what others thought of me, but it is not due to confidence. I’m just tired of having to make myself more palatable to people who care so little about me.

I’ve spent some time thinking about what this person said, and what he meant. Not because his approval mattered, but because I’d like to know if he was insulting me. Then I’ll know how I should feel or react around this person.

Celeb Crush: Post Malone

I have a confession to make. I might be in love with Post Malone. I just think he's so cute (face tattoo and all) and seems like a really fun guy. He also has one of my favorite singing voices right now. If I didn't know who he is, I wouldn't expect him to sound that good (granted that he is sometimes auto-tuned).

An attempt to draw my "bae", Post Malone

I also like that he is soft around the edges. But yes... he is sometimes problematic. I guess I need to find a new celebrity crush.

Somewhere Warm

I would like to be somewhere warm right now. I heard there was a gay cruise and I really wish that I had known about it a year ago... not that I would have had the money to go anyway.

I just want to be somewhere warm right now.

It is so cold right now. Fashion has gone out of the window. I'm dressing for comfort and warmth now. The cold is also affecting my drawing. My hands are so cold that I cannot hold my pen without shaking.

This would have been a cool drawing. I'm proud of the pattern on the swim trunks though. I've always struggled with fabric folds on patterns. But this one is 🔥

Maybe I will work on it again later.

Boyfriend Twin

Boy·friend·twin (noun \ˈbȯi-ˌfrend-ˌtwin\):
A man in a committed relationship with another man who dresses or styles himself like his mate and could pass as his twin.

Ginger Bear

Are the terms “ginger” and "bear” offensive?

I won't deny that I'm particularly attracted to "bigger" guys. Recently, I worry that I might come off as offensive. A guy that I've recently spent time with told me that he does not like being called a "bear". Another friend confessed to me that he would rather be called an "otter" instead of a "bear" or a "cub". I am particularly sensitive to this because I am turned off when someone (particularly white guys) tells me that they're "into brown boys" - which I automatically equate to being fetishized.

But it's not like I only like bears. I like men, periodt! So, perhaps I shouldn't be so critical of guys who like me for "being brown."

I have a lot of things to unlearn. That's my goal for 2020.