Figuring Out What’s Next (Without a 5-Year Plan)

Lately, I’ve caught myself spiraling. Not in a dramatic way—more in the quiet, 1 a.m. “should I move?” or “do I need a five-year plan?” kind of way. I’ll follow one thought into another until suddenly I’m on Zillow looking at homes I’ll never buy or watching YouTube videos about off-grid living in Finland.

So I’m asking myself:

Do I need to adjust my big-picture plan—or just admit I don’t really have one right now?

The Pandemic Was All About Milestones

Back then, I was in a relationship. And like many others during that time, I was thinking about the big stuff: buying a house, building a life with someone, maybe even marriage. I found comfort in having a shared plan—something to orient myself toward when everything else felt uncertain.

That plan made sense for who I was then. But that version of me doesn’t exist anymore.

Relationships End. I Didn’t.

The breakup didn’t destroy me—it uncovered me.

For the first time since I was 15, I wasn’t someone’s boyfriend. That’s a long time of defining myself through romantic relationships. Suddenly, I was alone, yes—but also free. It kicked off what I can only describe as my personal renaissance. Some might call it a “heaux era.” I call it a deep, wild, necessary reprieve.

I’ve Been Getting to Know Me

Three years later, I’m still figuring myself out—not through someone else’s gaze, but my own. What do I actually enjoy? Who do I want to become? What kind of life feels good?

Part of that self-discovery has been learning who I am in relation to other gay men—not as a partner, but as a friend. For the first time in my life, I’m part of an actual friend group. We do things like Friendgiving, group trips, and chaotic-but-affirming group chats. It’s been healing to experience connection without romance at the center—to be seen, supported, and included simply for being myself. That’s new for me. And it matters.

Okay, But Now What?

That’s the part I keep circling back to:

What’s next?

I’m not in a rush to settle down. I’m not desperate to lock in the next milestone. But I am ready to stop drifting. I want to be intentional without being rigid. Curious without being lost. Rooted, even as I leave room for movement.

So maybe the plan isn’t a checklist of goals—it’s a set of values. A commitment to keep listening inward. To keep evolving.

If you’re also wondering what to do next, maybe we don’t need to know just yet. Maybe the next big move is just being here, asking better questions, and giving ourselves permission to change the plan.